Stitch Rabbit

This Morning.

This morning as Frankie was leaving for school, her Dad already outside warming the car, I knelt in front of her and looked her in her eyes and kissed her cheeks. I grabbed her hand and placed a kiss in it and told her to put the kiss in her pocket, and save it. She could pull it out anytime in the day. I love the dreamy smile she gives me when she's trying to figure something out in her head - if a kiss could really stay in a pocket, and would it still be kissable when she pulled it back out.

 

She's growing up, but not too old for pretend. She's getting bigger, but not so big she isn't still a child. She is learning and mastering, and still wondrous, curious. She teeters on the edge of so many milestones, ebbing and flowing between realism and idealism. I follow with great admiration, into her world. I plead with the world to let imagination stay, and evolve and never leave. Let her grow up but not away from the possibilities of anything.

 

This morning I buttoned her coat and kissed her goodbye and watched from the window with my coffee cup. I will do this a million times more in our life.

As she reached the gate to meet her Daddy, I watched her reach deep into the pocket of her coat and pull out my kiss and hold it to her face. It was still there.

 

The Missing Room

Now that the kids have moved in and gotten settled into their new room, the house has been put back to normal, and life has resumed... I can finally turn my attention to what's been missing in my life.

EVerything studio-kept except for a few must-have baskets of yarn and needles is waiting for me in the dark and creepy basement of our house. Every time I go down to do laundry I look at all the boxes and machines and the furniture and the tables and lamps and all of it and I sigh and turn and walk away. I have yet to feel motivated to get to it. It's too much stuff. It needs reorganizing. I think it needs paint. And it definitely needs shelves. And it will have to get new lighting. It's going to take a lot of work.

But the motivation is coming. I can feel it in my bones. I've been scribbling ideas into a book instead of banging them out on the sewing machine, and it's not nearly as satisfying. I have spring ideas floating around that need somewhere to rest. I need a place to cut and sew and I miss my stuff. The basement WILL be good, once we get past the dark and basement-y feeling. It's a lot more room, I can afford to be and look less cluttered. I can have a bigger cutting table. I can put my machines side by side. I think I'll take the weekend to rest and to plan... and then it's time to gut the place and start from the beginning.

Wish me luck.

Quiet, Simple, Bare January

January. Cool, blue, icey. Brilliant crisp sunsets from my windowsill. Warmth inside. Stanfield's and wool socks and scarves for inside and out. Mitts. Tea and coffee. Bare trees, bare earth. It's a simple month filled with simple joys.

The New Room.

I don't know what we were thinking. We got home from our holidays this weekend, unpacked our bags and started tearing the house apart. A fresh approach, a new look, more space - it was just time. My studio has officially been half-packed into boxes and taken downstairs. We spent a night painting the old room, building the AMAZING vintage teak beds I scored a few months back, and moved in the kids.

It's been six years of our family sharing one bedroom, in this house or others. Some people think we're crazy, to pile into one room like that - and I'll admit, it wasn't always easy. But I hold strong to my belief that having my kids in my bed and in beds close to ours has given them a very positive sleep experience their whole lives. As babies, the bond between a mother's body and their own is not broken at birth. It takes months and years to establish a trust in the dark, a safety in the night, and belief that Mommy and Daddy are always right there. Some kids get it sooner and some later. I think we've done a beautiful job at giving our kids the ability to sleep well.

And then it comes a time when their little bodies grow too big for a crowded bed and a crowded room and it becomes the time for them to claim their own space. We may be a little later in the game then most, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. This is a milestone in all of our lives, and I am proud and certain that my kids are insightful enough to say yes to their own independence.

So, without further ado, here is their new space. Taken with my Iphone, since my camera is somewhere in the depths of my next project... the studio. Sweet dreams little ones. We're just down the hall.

 

**PS - I am fully aware that by tomorrow morning, this entire room will be upside-down. At least I'll have the pictures to remember the clean beauty it was!!**

A New Year - Myself.

By the time you're reading this I will be en route back to Canada. Back to our tiny lot of land and our warm house and all the things inside it that make up who we are. Spending three weeks out of my element and away from all the makeup that makes me up has given me a lot of time to think and to be, simply me. So you can't help but work on some things, without the distraction.

In my thirtieth year, I have learned a lot already. The biggest so far, is that turning thirty was like reaching what I thought was the peak of my mountain, only to look up and realize that there are mountains - so many more mountains - stretched out across the land, with peaks on all of them. And they're mine to climb.

Aging hasn't bothered me much. I'm still young and there are decades ahead of me. I was awkward as a teenager and kind of messy in my twenties... thirty has been my most comfortable decade so far. I feel like I am finally fitting my skin.

There has been a lot of gratitude in my heart lately. I feel really lucky to have the life I do, with the people who are living it with me. My family keeps me grounded, and still let me fly. I've never felt so sure that I could make a jump or change my mind or reinvent a piece of me and they would be right there, wishing me success and happiness. How lucky is that?

I feel a lot calmer these days. Taking my time, not rushing what can't be rushed. Believing that what will be will happen, eventually. In all aspects of my life, I have stopped a lot of the impatience, and in place I've gained the confidence that this life will make it work. Our hearts with find the way.

There is also a new sense of self care that I am very grateful for. Taking care of my body and riding my bike and simply breathing deeper. Praising myself when I am doing well and pushing myself to reach new limits. Riding my bike has become an outlet for me to rid myself of the anxieties and stress and pressure  that I put on myself.

Coming back to Canada in the new year is like coming back to a new outlook on life. In my first post of the year, I asked "What makes me happy? What makes my family work? What makes my heart soar?"  I think I've answered those questions in the last seven days. I am thankful for these reflections, and I feel ready for the new year. The opportunity is here to find all the dreams in my heart, the desire to make them real and have love that can make it work.

 

 

A New Year - Time.

Time. It's something we all wish for more of. Time to relax, time to work, time with the kids, time alone. We live in a world that is so saturated with the filler of schedules and chores and mile-long to do lists that it can be a struggle to just take time out to do what we really truly want. I struggle daily with the clock - there are never enough hours to get it all in. I go back and forth between having entirely too much to do, and not doing enough.

Gabe at Work (Adam Campbell Photo)

One thing that I really wish for, is to give Gabriel more time. He has been our bread winner, our provider, for all these years. He works so hard to keep us fed and warm, and to give us pretty much whatever our hearts desire. What he sacrifices though, is his own time. His ability to create and build is what keeps him working. He's extremely talented and I know, a very valued asset to his crew. I want more for him. I want him to be able to have the time to build and create for himself. To spend time in his shop with his ideas and the time to make them happen. His furniture is amazing, and he has a brilliant eye. Even with our support, I know he struggles with giving himself that time, because he values the time that he does get, to be with his family. When he's in his shop working on a project, and the sawdust is flying and the radio is on, I see Gabriel spending time exactly how he wants to. I'd like to see more of that this year.

Gabe at Work (Adam Campbell Photo)

I just got to spend three whole weeks with my family, away from the schedules and to do lists. It's what we all needed. When I get to spend time with my family it fills me up and charges me. Making the effort to make time for my family, as a unit is so valuable and keeps us close. When we get that time together, we can then go back into the world to do our own things, feeling loved and supported. I'm so grateful for my family, who allows me to have my own time, to be my own self and they lift me up.

 

A New Year - Son.

My son is on the upswing of two and he is fast approaching boyhood. Yesterday he picked up a toy drill and pointed at me and said "Freeze, Mommy". Oi. Being a household that takes precautions to avoid violence (no video games, very restricted television, no guns or war toys in the house) I was fairly surprised the moment it happened, and then really accepted that this was bound to happen. As anyone who knows a boy under the age of ten, it takes no more than a stick and a normal childhood imagination for a child to create an epic war scene in their own backyard with nothing more than their own two hands. So much for peace and solitude for the children of the world.

When Charlie held the toy to me and said "Freeze Mommy" what surprised me more than his action was my own. After the initial shock, I was internally shocked at myself at how easily and simply I said to myself; "He's a boy! Oh those boys." I mean, REALLY?? Because, if my daughter had done that at the age of two, I can tell you - there would've been some serious conversation. Even though I try very hard to squash the borders of gender-biased ideals within my own family, I too play can play the part in pigeon-holing my own children into roles that we as a society believe to be true. Is it okay for my son to pretend to hold a gun and say "Freeze", but not okay for my daughter?

Now I'm not so strict that I would refuse either of my kids to act out some fighting/war/dying scenarios. Let's face it, it's going to happen. I think it's part of healthy curious play. I'm uncomfortable with toy weapons and violent tv, and that's my choice as a parent to make that decision for our own family. What I think I've learned from my son is that I need to really take a look at how I'm perceiving anyone should act, based solely and primarily on their gender. As I grow alongside my son, I want to give him the space and the freedom to be whomever he desires, but not what society is expecting. I want my son to grow up to be the same sensitive, loving, nurturing and warm-hearted child that my daughter is, and I don't want to deny him those opportunities because, well.. "He's just a boy."

Charlie is our impish little boy who makes us laugh and loves to snuggle. As he runs full-tilt into childhood I am excited at the possibilities that lie ahead for him. I can't wait to see what this year brings for my little boy. As I learned from our first, these years fly by so fast and I want to give him everything I've got. I am blessed to have this little boy who mashes his face into my shirt and clings to me and looks up and smiles and says Mama.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A New Year - Daughter.

If there is one thing that rocks me to the core, it is that this is all going entirely too fast. Their feet stretch and limbs stretch and their faces change every day. Firsts become oblivious and we watch them grow more and more... afraid to blink for the time might pass too quickly.

My baby girl has gone to school this year. She's never been away from me before, and I'm not sure who had a harder time adjusting, me or her. My daughter is incredibly smart and wildly social and immensely sensitive. I am so scared to lose her to the world. Some days I think I already have. She's so inquisitive and curious and hungry. I find myself changing with her - trying to keep up with what she needs at each moment from me. I am sometimes her friend, sometimes her adviser, sometimes her teacher and sometimes her listener. I am sometimes her map and compass. I am sometimes completely quiet. In the background, silently watching and cheering and ready for her to succeed and ready for her if she doesn't.

As she makes her way into her sixth year, I am finding myself at the gates of girlhood. A time when she begins to really voice her own opinions and show her own interests and we go back and forth between letting her take the lead and reining her in again. A time when a mother (or father) is precariously perched on the brink of childhood innocence, and wondering how exactly do we preserve it for as long as we possibly can. I only know one answer. We do our damnedest.

 

A New Year - To Create.

I have to say first: Stitch Rabbit Shop !!!  Setting up a shop, working on patterns, knitting final patterns, photo shoots and marketing - it all was a lot of work and I'm really pleased with where it's taken me. I've been totally blown away by the support and encouragement  I've received to make things for people. This winter season was unbelievably busy and it was really awesome always having a gift on the sticks for somebody out there. Every sale I've received is like a really nice pat on the back. It's so nice to know that people like what I make and want to have it for themselves, or give it to someone they love. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all for supporting me.

Now that the season in mind is spring, I am looking towards making other things for the shop. I'd really like to get some sewn product in there, bags, accessories, that kind of thing. I'm looking really forward to getting home and getting some ideas out on my machines. I'd like to get some more product out to brick and mortar stores as well.

Speaking of real live stores in the real world...I've been toying a lot with the idea of having a studio space where I could hold classes for knitting and sewing, as well as a retail space for fabric and yarn and space to showcase local handmade artists. Oh man, to be able to do something like that would be really amazing. I'm starting to understand the confidence it takes to work for yourself. In no way am I near supporting a family of four with a seasonal knitwear income, but I can tell you that the happiest work I have done has been for myself. I know enough to say that in my lifetime, that is what I want. I want to be able to do what I love and help support our family with it. Perhaps with a little luck and some thread and scissors, I could make that happen.

 

 

 

 

 

A New Year - Space.

We rent a tiny house in a tiny yard in a big, big city. We've lived in our home for over two years, which is the longest that I have lived anywhere since leaving my childhood home. This house has been good to us. The space has kept us close and cozy and warm. But we've outgrown it. Seasonally, I crave different things in outdoor spaces, but inside, it always remains the same. I want a home that is our own.

Being the crafty type, there are a lot of ideas floating around in our house about what it would look like if it was all ours to knock down walls and build on rooms. Being that it's not ours, these ideas stay in the air, and they float around me and quite frankly, frustrate the hell out of me.

It's time for us to move on, this we can see clearly. It's about where to go next that has us perplexed. Living in Vancouver is not easy in terms of housing. We're in a good spot because (comparatively) our rent is cheaper than most, and because we're not shelling out big bucks on a mortgage, we're able to save like good little rabbits for the winter. To buy a home in Vancouver is like signing your life away. It's not easy. It's beyond expensive. And we wouldn't be buying what we really want:

Space.

I need it. Gabe needs it. The kids need it. We're in that tricky spot where our lives are in the city but our hearts belong in the country. Moving away from the city you've started your family in is not easy. It's scary. It's a big chance. I guess we just don't want to screw this up. But we're tired of living with one foot out the door. Waiting to make a move, or hear the answer. I think it's time to make that jump. To obtain the space. To relish in the freedom of openness. Nature. Possibility.

From the Archives: "Picking Up Steam (Outdoor Dreams)"

I want to build. Structures, shops, cottages, art. I want to keep animals. I want a pack of dogs and some feral cats. Chickens, maybe a sweet little donkey. I want a garden that doesn't need careful planning due to space restrictions. I want to grow enough food to can my own, to give away. To be more self sustainable. To depend less on the grocery store and more on the weather. I want to paint the walls of my house and build the dream kitchen and lug a big old antique bathtub into a bathroom bigger than a closet. I want closets. I want to have a kitchen big enough to fit all my friends in, and feed them food and beer and dance in the living room.

From the Archives: "Somewhere In Between"

The real answer, is that we aren't going to obtain all of this in Vancouver. And these are things that are really, really important to me. As our family grows, I realise how important it is to provide ourselves with the right space to house our growing interests. We seem to be a family who just wants to make stuff. We need the space to do it. Now, if only I could find the answer to where? Suggestions?

 

A New Year - Friendship.

I will be completely honest here. This year has been tumultuous in terms of friendship. It's the first thing on my mind when I think about what I'd like to write about in my 7 Days of New Year Writing. In all aspects and avenues and social circles, friendship has been the most trying part of my life for a while. I've had to learn some really big lessons in what it takes to be a friend, and what I want and need in friendship with others. Some have required huge amounts of effort, and others have not recieved effort enough.

From close knit friendships within my community to friendships that span the country and world, it's been a pretty heavy year. I've learned a lot about myself and what matters to me, and I think I'm coming out the other side with all of these relationships.

 There are people that come into our lives that we know will be with us forever, people that come and go and people that are friends in passing. More than ever, I am sure enough of myself to know when to hold on and when to let go. There are friends in my life whom I've had to love fiercely this year, even though it hurt, even though it scarred. There is a love for a friendship that can withstand the worst storm, and I've felt battered from it. When someone is hurting with such force that it can knock you down across a country, it takes a lot to heal from it. This storm has passed for now... but I still have the patience and space for it to be what it needs to be. I believe in you. Rabbits stick together.

There are other friendships that have not withstood the forces of the heart. From these I bleed, but I also accept. We can only try our best, and if this is not enough, then we must let it be. It leaves a hole in my life, and in my heart, but I am doing my best to fill it again.

I'm coming into this year with a new outlook on friendship. I know who I am as a friend, and what I can give. You have my ears, my time, my hand and my heart. Friendship is something that can turn you around, rock you, hold you and love you. I am lucky to have friends that can move me like that.

And to the ladies in my life.... I've pulled something from the archives that simply fits my reflections and rings true today and for always:

The Hoot "Blessed Today"