I've been re-devouring a book I picked up a year or two ago. With my daughter's birthday just a week away, there have been a few requests for her most desired must haves. On this list is a hula hoop, new books "with no pictures, but chapters", and the big one.... a Barbie. Yikes. Didn't see that one coming. I asked her what is was about the Barbie that she liked, and I was met with a list of the obvious. "She has long hair, a pretty dress and I want a doll that is hard, not soft." As in "Mom, your softie dolls you've been making for me from wool and linen are cute and all, but I'm really ready to move on to the next level. A plastic doll, with plastic hair, and boobs." Okay, she's not saying boobs, I'm thinking boobs, internally and fearfully.
So back to the book. It's called "The Lolita Effect: The Media Sexualization of Young Girls and What We Can Do About It." I know, pretty heavy stuff. But as a mother, as a woman and as the guide to my own daughter in her life, I think this is pretty important stuff. The book goes into great depth about the culture we live in, the way that women are over-sexualized and how it affects our girls. It discusses everything from Britney Spears to Bratz Dolls, sexual violence, the role that boys play and finally, strategies for resistance.
Okay back to my daughter. Because let's face it, when you're reading this book, you're spending half the time peering over the pages at your sweet singing baby and mentally preparing a 15 year game plan for teaching her self confidence, healthy self image and self worth. I didn't feel that this book left me fearful for my daughter, but empowered that I had more information and more tools to face a fast paced world filled with things I already don't know about because I'm (almost) thirty. Like scene queens on MySpace and sexting.
Okay let's go back to the Barbie. Now, I of course, want to give my daughter all that she desires - within reason. And while I know she's been eying those shiny glittery barbies lined up in the aisles of stores, I just can't do it. Do I think that handing my five year old a Barbie on her birthday is going to destroy her body image and turn her into a preteen S.L.U-know-what-I-mean? No I don't. There are a million things that factor in to how a child will grow up, what choices she will make and how she will feel about herself at the end of the day. I know that I'm a big part of that, and that Barbie is not. But the amount of negative media that my daughter is exposed to in a day is alarming. The reality of what women really look like is skewed by the time your baby can see further than your nursing bra. Billboards, public transit advertising, even coloring books and clothing - everything is saturated in portraying beauty and body size as the most important thing - what you strive for in life. Whether you're buying a car, a pair of jeans or a tub of yogurt, it's there and in her face. Does she also need a Barbie?
I can shut off the tv and choose my music carefully, but I can't control everything she sees with her eyes. I can also help her choose her clothing and her toys, and help her understand to the best of my ability what is means to be a girl, to grow into a woman and to be a decent, kind and loving human being - to herself and others. She is growing, and becoming more and more independant from me. I know that it is just around the corner, that her peers become important, that her desire to express herself through fashion and music will come up so fast I won't even know what hit me.
All I can do is prepare her for it.
All I can do is prepare myself.
All I can do is research alternatives to Barbie dolls on the internet and find her the perfect, modestly and accurately proportioned fashion doll I can find. Her name is Hayden, she digs nature and gardening, and she's wearing a plaid shirt, some wool leggings and gumboots. She's still got long hair and sparkly butterfly earrings, but I can live with this. And I know my daughter is going to love her.
